Of Captains and Water
by JerBearThompson
Summary: The cliché bar story of the century.


**Title: **Of Captains and Water  
**Author: **JerBearThompson  
**Rating: **PG  
**Spoilers: **None  
**Characters: **Jack, Ianto, OCs  
**Summary: **The cliché bar story of the century.  
**Disclaimer: **Yes, yes, we all worship at the shrine or RTD and the BBC.

**Notes: **_So yes, I wrote this at school too, months and months ago. I wasn't happy with it, so I never posted it. But my friend kept bugging me to post it with the excuse that "If they don't like it, then just delete it." So that's what I'm doing. I'll put it up for a day or two, and if it really is as cliché and badly written as I think it is, then I will delete it._ *Random Title*

Jack surveyed the dark stingy bar carefully before turning back to the countertop and taking another sip of gin. He noticed people staring at him as he did so, felt their eyes boring into his back. There was a particular pair of eyes he could feel to his left, and he could vaguely make out a mop of dark hair, a strong set jaw. The man was handsome, and Jack knew he was wanted, but for some reason he just couldn't bring himself to care.

Handsome men and beautiful ladies, the bar was full of them, and yet Jack wanted none of them. There was only one person he wanted, and that person was probably at home, curled up on their couch and watching some mindless show on television. Not caring where he was, what he was doing, while Jack on the other hand couldn't get them off his mind.

Maybe he should pick up one of these people, god knows they were willing enough, and try to forget for a few hours just _why_ here was here, and not curled up on that same couch.

'Excuse me,' a small voice piped up from beside him, jerking him out of his thoughts. 'I hope you don't mind me asking but… are you… waiting for anyone?'

Jack gently studied the young girl. She couldn't have been more than twenty-five years old and her large green eyes still held that park of innocence, that flare of excitement. Jack put his gin back on the bar top somewhat thoughtfully. She'd be easy enough.

'No, I suppose I'm not.' He smiled at her, deciding to forgo the teeth tonight and just give her a genuine lipped smile.

'Oh,' the girl breathed, relaxing slightly. 'Well I'm here with a friend; we're waiting for a few others to arrive too. You're welcome to join us if you want,'

Jack considered politely refusing her – a group of friends did not sound quite as appealing to him, not that anyone was feeling overly appealing right now. Then again, what was the point of coming to a bar and surrounding himself with its lively people only to remain the loneliest one there? It did seem a little pathetic, and Jack was anything but pathetic. What could a little company hurt?

This time he did break out the teeth for her.

'I'd love to,' he said appreciatively, slipping gracefully off his stool and downing his drink quickly, ordering a water to take back to the girl's table with him.

'I'm Alice,' the girl told him as he waiting. 'Alice Bates.'

Jack accepted the glass of water from the bartender and turned to regard her warmly.

'Captain Jack Harkness, at your service.'

'Jack,' she repeated softly, clearly impressed by the title before it. 'That's nice,' and she slowly began winding her way through the bar, Jack following until they reached a secluded cove toward the back. There was only one other girl there so far, and she was texting someone on her mobile phone. As he approached, she slowly turned her head up a fraction to regard the newcomer. He was very aware of her eyes roaming appreciatively down his body.

'You got a nice one this time,' she smirked toward Alice. 'What's his name?'

Jack scowled slightly as he sat down, he was used to people stumbling over their feet to talk to him, he did not appreciate being pointedly ignored.

'Jack,' he shot at her, deciding not to hold his hand out for her to shake.

'He's a captain,' Alice smiled nervously at him as she took the seat across from him. 'Captain Jack Harkness.'

At his name, something seemed to spark in the other woman's eyes,

'Jack,' Alice held his gaze steadily as she gestured vaguely to the woman beside him. 'This is Rhian.'

'Charmed,' he murmured with disinterest as he relaxed back into his seat and took a long leisurely drink, surveying her with eagle eyes.

'Oh don't be like that,' she scolded. 'You're as bad as my brother, honestly. Why do men always have to be so _angsty?_'

Alice shot her friend a furious look that clearly stated, "_You're not helping!_" and quickly tried to change the subject.

She only got out a pleasant, 'So Jack, what-' before she was cut off by Rhian leaning over into Jack's personal space and stating in a low voice, 'Look, there's no use brooding over not being the centre of attention for a while – I can see you're one of _those_ guys and don't try to deny it. But obviously you were invited over here because you're a very good looking man with... ravishing good looks and good looks to match.'

Against his will, Jack cracked a small smile.

'I'd comment on something else about you but I'm afraid I don't know much of your personality. Let's start this again, shall we? Hi, I'm Rhian – well, Rhiannon - pleasure to meet you.'

She offered him her hands with the intentions of having it shaken but Jack took a light hold of it and brushed a gentle kiss across the knuckles instead. 'Captain Jack Harkness, and the pleasure's all mine.'

Oh he was on the ball tonight.

'So what brings you here on a beautiful night like this? Looking for some excitement?' Rhian's voice was low and inviting.

'Are you offering some?' Jack smirked.

He had expected her to blush, lean back or look away – maybe even all three. Instead she held his gaze and smiled. 'Willing?'

Here was his chance. A pretty girl, who was obviously a willing participant and all but throwing herself on him. It was the perfect opportunity to, just for a moment, forget about them. The one who had been on Jack's mind all night. The one who, suddenly, he didn't _want_ to forget. And as much as he liked this girl, he didn't want to take her home.

'No,' he said simply, falling back against his chair and taking another long sip from his glass.

Alice's lips quirked up into a smile at Rhian's slightly frowning expression.

'_Jack_,' Alice's voice sounded exasperated, a little flustered and maybe even slightly jealous. 'Why don't you tell us something about yourself, yeah? Age, job?'

The two most brilliant questions in the world.

'How's your love life?' Rhian added with a hint of snark, leaning comfortably against the table top with her elbow. 'Seeing as though you obviously didn't come here for a… good time.' The last bit was said with a waggle of her eyebrows.

Her question wasn't much better.

Jack swallowed thickly. 'Well, anyone up for another drink?'

'He's embarrassed,' Alice told Rhian like it was the most adorable thing in the world.

'He _likes_ someone,' her friend smiled back. 'Spill.'

Jack laughed, horrified at the way it came out sounding all nervous and hitched. 'Spill what? No one, don't like anyone. Hence the reason why I'm sitting here talking to you two lovely ladies.' He smoothly took a sip of his water.

'Talking too fast, honey, shows you're nervous.' Rhian shook her head sadly. 'Come on champ, both of us knew we never had a chance with you.'

Alice made a noise that could have been the beginning of a protest but shut her mouth quickly when Jack turned his head slightly to regard her.

'Oh please, you honestly don't think I would have been that inviting if I thought you were actually going to say yes, did you? But seriously, spill. What are the chances we'll even know who she is, anyway? Tell us,' Rhian's eyes sparkled playfully.

'There's… you know, sort of… someone,' Jack stammered. God_damn_ he was nervous, and perhaps for good reason too. While being teased relentlessly by Owen and given comforting pats on the back by Tosh, Jack had never actually admitted out loud his feelings. It was more a thing he was hoping that if he ignored it enough, he could quench it. It was only coincidence that his two co-workers had managed to catch him staring on several occasions and connected the dots.

Rhian hummed in satisfaction, prompting him with an, 'And?'

'They don't know, though. I work with them.'

'Ooh, lusting after the boss,' Alice teased.

'Honey, I am the boss,' for the second time that night Jack graced her with the sight of his fabulous teeth.

'Lusting after the receptionist then?'

'To put it is a nutshell,' Jack said softly. 'Archivist, chauffer, cleaner, field agent, tea boy. Or coffee boy, really.' The last part was more of a muttering under his breath.

'Field agent?'

'Tea _boy?_' The incredulous voice was matched Alice's face which was staring at him in shock.

Jack chose to go with the latter question. 'I'm open to love,' he replied, smoothly rolling his shoulders.

Rhian, meanwhile, was leaning further forward on her seat. 'And the plot thickens,' she said with far too much excitement than Jack was comfortable with. 'Not only in love with the employee, but the _male_ employee.'

'Hey, I didn't say I loved him!'

'Well what do you feel about him then?'

'I… don't know, actually.'

'What's he like?' This was from Alice.

'Gorgeous,' Jack couldn't help but smile. 'Bright blue eyes, a little button nose and lips to die for.' (And Jack would know - it had not been a pleasant night when those lips had distracted him long enough to be mauled by a weevil.) 'He wears these suits to work, right? Tailored to a tee! Beautiful, expensive suits and he wears them to _work_, every - single - day. Oh that man is trying to do something to me, I swear.'

'Got a picture?' Alice asked.

Jack was about to shake his head sadly when he remembered. 'Actually… yeah.'

It was tucked away in his wallet, that small photo of Ianto. The man couldn't have been older than twenty, and he was practically beaming at the small puppy in his arms, while at the same time trying to cringe away from its wandering tongue. Jack had found the photo in the Tourist Office one day when he had ventured up there in search of the young Welshman. It had been discarded on the desk, presumably having fallen from that darn diary that Ianto insisted on taking everywhere with him. Jack had intended to give it back – honestly, he had – and had only put it in his wallet for safekeeping. Three months later and it was still there, safe and sound. He just hadn't had a chance since to give it back. That was the _only_ reason.

Plucking the small square of paper from his wallet, Jack slid it along the table to Alice. Her eyes widened momentarily before she smiled.

'He looks nice.' She shot a nervous look over toward Rhian before carefully passing her the photo.

Rhian merely grinned. 'Oh he's adorable! Tell me about him!'

Jack felt a well of pride that he had their approval. 'He's quiet, very quiet. Keeps to his work mostly, only things I ever hear from him are a "Coffee, sir?" here and a "Yes, sir" there. He's amazing, though. He can do… anything. Anything he puts his mind to, he's a genius, he really is. But oh! When he doesn't understand something, he'll get this little frown on his face like the world has done him wrong and he'll look so perfectly adorable that I can't help but laugh at him. At which point he'll know I was staring and give me a bright smile with another of his "Coffee, sir?"s'

'You love him!'

'I do not.'

'You _love_ him!'

'Rhian!' Jack's grin threatened to split his face as he shook his head, carrying on with their childish game. 'I do not!'

'What would you call it, then?'

'We've already had this question.'

'To which you didn't answer!'

'Look he's an… immensely beautiful man, wonderful, and I _deeply_ like him--'

'Love him,'

'--on most days,' Jack added as an afterthought. 'But I don't love him.'

…Did he? Surely not. Like him, yes. Borderline stalk him, maybe. But love him? No, definitely not.

'He's erm…' Alice squinted at the photo before casting a sidelong look to her friend, then turning her eyes back to Jack. 'He's got quite a body.'

Jack promptly choked on his water.

'Oh yeah,' Rhian grinned, eyeing Jack with greedy eyes. 'Just imagine under that shirt… hard, firm stomach… probably a bit of chest hair too, if you're into that thing.'

_Holy mother of god, yes, yes, yes he was into it. Jesus Christ, yes._

'I… don't mind a bit,' Jack said instead, swallowing another sip of water painfully and trying to look nonchalant about his earlier outburst.

'And just think below the waist,' Rhian continued in a slightly dreamy state.

Alice leant forward on her chair, staring blankly out across the room. 'I wonder what expression he makes when he--'

'_Well_,' Jack cut her off quickly, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. 'I… yes, I, ah,' he cleared his throat noisily. 'How about that local sporting team, then?'

Alice burst out giggling and it was only when she gestured behind him that Jack realised it wasn't his lame joke that had her laughing.

'The guys are here,' she told Rhian, and the woman's eyes lit up roguishly, like she was waiting for a show.

Jack turned around and for the second time that night started violently coughing up his water at who he saw.

'Jack!' Ianto said happily when he caught sight of the captain, slipping easily into the chair beside his. 'Didn't know you were going to be here. I see you've met my sister, then?'

Jack hastily snatched the photograph back.


End file.
